#97 Lie, Cheat, and Steal

I know you’re thinking either one of two things: she’s either a bad influence on people, or she will tell me to “Lie to your the cook if the food is bad, cheat your brother out of doing the dishes, and steal someone’s heart.” Well, think again!

In honor of a holiday (Thanksgiving) where we give thanks for life, love, happiness, and health, I will do the dishonorable thing, and lie, cheat, and steal my way to happiness. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a thankful person. I thank God for being born at a time and place where women aren’t treated like objects or commodities, where I can get an education without serious debt to follow, and have the people in my life who care about me and who I would drop everything to help them in a time of need.

I’m thankful for all of that, but I also believe that the world is full of boring people who need to live a little bit more. This is something to get your pulse rate up, make you sweat a bit. Sometimes a little bad is good. So, here’s my bad advice, do with it what you like.

Lie about something small and insignificant, just to see if you can get away with it. Nothing that will bring serious harm or danger to someone, just something individual, unbelievable, or funny. Test your acting skills. Can you convince your roommate that you are allergic to sesame seeds and if you even so much as touch one, you might break into hives. Convince a new friend that your Russian grandpa worked for the KGB and was killed by the CIA during the Cold War. Be creative; I’m sure you can come up with something better than that!

Cheat (OK, this one’s a bit harder to do without feeling a sense of guilt, but it’s worth a try…) Cheat on a game of cards. You know most people don’t protect their cards very well in a game of “BS” or Bull you-know-what. Take a peek, win a hand, and smile a knowing smile. Sometimes honorable is boring, and life hands you an opportunity. Save the integrity for your taxes.

Steal from a thief. Ever know anyone to rob or burglarize? Give them a dose of their own medicine. Steal a taste from the bulk rate department. Come on, they know it happens! Use the appropriate tongs or scoops, of course–we don’t want to share germs now, do we?

Steal some extra shampoo from the maid’s cart at a hotel. Hey, if you use it, it’s not going to waste! Shower caps and sewing kits are good, too.

Wearing one may make you feel like an old lady, but stealing one keeps you young!

Steal toilet paper from the university. Get back at those “regents” (whatever the heck that means) for not paying their staff enough and hiking tuition rates anyway! I guarantee this one will get your heart pumping, make you laugh, and make you feel a sense of justice all at once!

Try it and let me know. (Oh, and since my parents ran a business and bought TP in bulk, I know each roll is worth about 20 cents, so you’re gonna have to steal a lot if you want to make an impact! Ha-ha.)

Anyone on my bandwagon today?